In an insightful conversation with Madame Joyce, Nigerian media personality and author Toke Makinwa shared her perspectives on relationships, red flags, and empathy in dating.
Makinwa didn’t hold back as she outlined behaviours that immediately signal a “no-go” for her when evaluating a new partner.
Her remarks quickly resonated with viewers, as she highlighted the importance of maturity, emotional availability, and self-awareness in relationships.
Reflecting on behaviours that are instant deal-breakers, Makinwa said, “If I meet a guy that runs his ex down, he’s never going to hear from me again.
“If I meet a guy who talks about his ex consistently, he’s still not over her, and he’s not going to hear from me.”
For Makinwa, hearing a man excessively talk about or disparage his ex is a clear indication that he may not be fully healed from his past relationship.
She emphasized that these behaviors not only reveal unresolved feelings but also a lack of respect, which she believes can be easily directed toward a future partner.
To make her point more relatable, she added a dose of realism: “Your vagina is not made of gold; what he did to his ex, he can do times two to you.”
Makinwa warned against the illusion that a man’s past patterns might miraculously change simply because he’s with a new partner, a pitfall she believes too many women fall into. Her approach champions awareness over denial and encourages women to recognize recurring toxic patterns as a sign to reassess the relationship.
Madame Joyce echoed Makinwa’s perspective, acknowledging a common mindset among women: “We have this thing as women where we say, ‘It can never be me.’”
Makinwa agreed, adding her own hard-won wisdom to the conversation: “I never say ‘it can never be me’ because at 6 p.m. that night… life would catch you.”
She cautioned against passing judgment on others’ experiences or assuming immunity from certain challenges in relationships.
“One thing I have learned is that we’re the greatest judges when it comes to other people, but when it’s our turn, we make a case,” she added.
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